Whitest Girl You Know

Translucent ruminations of a very pale girl.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Happy Halloween

I don't have anything exciting to say.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Horse Teef

I'm watching Sucker Free and wanted to know everyone's opinion - who has bigger horse teeth, Hilary Duff or Lil Scrappy (who is Lil Scrappy anyway? his teeth are HUGE he can barely talk! and they're not even grills!)?

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

I'm a couple days delayed in this post, which isn't much a surprise since that's usually the case. While at Target shopping for Halloween candy and extra do-dads for our Brattle party this past weekend. I got smacked in the face (metaphorically) with the Big X. A week before Halloween, the Target staff was already consolidating the goodies and making way for some ho, ho, hos. You would think I'd be used to this. It happens every year.

To top it off, while the powers that be were taking down the Open Studio signs on Channel St, which is technically my backyard, they lit up all the trees on the block in white lights (pics to come). With the 40 degree weather and day light savings, it really is like Christmas. It's that time of year where you slip and slide through time (and the streets) from November to January. Then it's dead winter for 3 months and everyone suffers from S.A.D. and hibernates. February is never a good month.

Really Important News

This shit will change your life...

Fellas, lock down your ladies. Ryan Phillipe soon to be single!!! (DListed)

Are you OK, Nicole? (Socialite's Life)

Austria to soon experience Khazikstahn's pain, Sacha Baron Cohen $42.5MM richer (Defamer) P.S. Genius potential if there isn't a Borat backlash

Side Note to "EVC" Rant

Not that anyone particularly cares and I'm boardering obsessive at this point (hey, I have no work booked and my house is actually clean, what else can I do that doesn't involve racking up my AmEx bill?), but I think I figured out what has rubbed me the wrong way about the EVC. No, it's not the fact that she lived on East 5th but went to cheesy clubs like Avalon (I think there was a rumor that she or her roommate was cage dancing there). No, it's not because she was constantly trying to prove herself to our graduating class with stories about her boss asking her to help pull her tampon out. No, it's not because she fronts....

She's a fucking benny. What's a benny, you ask? Where I come from (Lavallette), a benny is a non-local summer vacationer. A tourist. Her grandfather had/has a house on the far side of town on the bay. She grew up a benny and continues to be a benny. And if anyone knows local kids from Lavallette, we hate bennies. Granted, there are a few kids who made the transition but overall, locals don't mess with the shit that stinks up the town once the weather gets warm.

I miss home.

Halloween Costume Contest

When I was 3, I took 3rd place in the Lavallette Children's Costume Contest. I was Little Red Riding Hood and was beat by a spaceman (who I believe was Justin Lamb) and the ultimate costume, Oscar the Grouch, played by Pam (known at that time as PJ) or Kelly Phillips.

In memory of my slight victory, I want you, dear readers, to send me pics of your Halloween costumes. Or even just pictures of great Halloween costumes, but be honest if it isn't really you. The winner(s) will receive some special treats via mail from me to celebrate their victory.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Mistaken Identity

I received a curious note in the mail from "Nicole Richie" about this blog, here is my response...

Dear Nicole,

It's so funny that you think this is Paris! Maybe you got confused because you were just in France. Silly girl! It's been me the whole time! You know I'm really white underneath all the Mystic Tan!

Anyway, how have you been babe? It's been a minute since I last saw you. Europe has been very therapeutic in helping me get over Harry Morton but now that you and Paris are friends again, perhaps she can introduce me to a new billionaire heir (and I'm not talking about Brandon Davis! Isn't he a fat sweaty pig? I don't know how Mischa dealt with him for as long as she did).

Here's a picture of us with Rachel from that really fun party for MTV we were at last year (I don't care what anyone says, I think your collar bone can never be too boney. I wish I had your bone structure! I miss when people used to call us skeletwinz, you're so lucky you're still so thin). Have you been over there lately? She just got me the most gorgeous Fendi bag with a secret pocket for you know what. Between you and me, I think Rachel really needs some botox. I go to Dr Novak at least once a month because I NEVER want to look like that. It's all about precautionary maintenance these days.

I hope you get better at "fat camp". Call me if you need something to help you get through it.



P.S. Can't wait to send you some of my new stationary!

Mini-Burgers of Love

I go to Lucky's a lot. At least twice a week whether for food or drink. Maybe because it's the closest place to go from my apt. It isn't the best food but it's grown on me because there really isn't much else around here. They always have these fancy mini burgers that are some sort of hamburger, vealburger, duckburger, all kinds of burgers that I won't eat.

Then on Friday Mike texted me saying that he'd be coming home with a turkey burger for me. What a pleasant surprise that it was from Lucky's. It was perfection in 4 small sweet buns. Mozzarella and mashed potatoes on top!!! All I needed was fries and I could've died right there.

Progressive Do-Gooding

My senior year of college, I joked around when asked at the beginning of a semester that I wanted to be a professional Jewish Boston socialite. It took a while for reality to kick in that it takes years to become both a Jew and a socialite. At one point I gave up on that dream but now it's slowly becoming a reality.

Mike and I have been to 3 fundraisers/awareness-raisers in the past week and they were all for a fantastic cause. Or we just got to go shopping for a cause we weren't fully aware of. Here's what our philanthropic sides have been up to:

Last Saturday, Mike's friend Sam, who is saving the world by one charity at a time, co-hosted a house party in JP for the Resource Generation's Gulf South Relief initiative which donates money to empowering charities. This fundraiser went to the 21st Century Foundation which focus on giving money to black communities and organizations to help rebuild their communities that were ravaged by Katrina and Rita last year. It was my first official JP house party, which meant that along with Sam's mom, we were the only heterosexual women (or at least women who shaved their armpits) in the room. They did an incredible job and raised $10,082 from one packed house.

Friday night, Mike and I went shopping at Stel's. Rogue's Gallery was screenprinting custom vintage t-shirts with the proceeds going to saving the whales out of an institute in Rhode Island. I made a great shirt that says "The Favorite" printed in cream on brown on the lower right side. Mike got a crow and a mermaid shirt. Stel's was simultaneously hosting a benefit the Patriot's Larry Izzo's Salute to the Troops, which helps out Iraq vets and their families who have lost limbs in battle. For every $100 spent, your name is entered in a raffle to win either a $500 Stel's gift certificate or dinner for 2 at 3 really great restaurants (which I don't remember). We definitely got our names entered a few times and I came home with another RG tshirt. I was aware that this was for a footballer's charity and when Jon and Tina, the owners, were ringing us up, Jon pointed out one of the Pats. I thought it was Larry Izzo and announced out loud how cute he was, real cute. Then he was looking at jewelry with whom I assumed is his fiance, who looked vaguely familiar. I commented about the beautiful glistening ring on her finger. Mike, who admits this is the meanest thing he ever said to me (I didn't realize it at the time because I was in awe of this diamond), told me that once I look like her I could have a ring like that. I told him I had a nicer nose. Turns out it was no Larry Izzo, but Tom Brady, who you may remember from an episode of Family Guy.

Last night, we hosted our first party that didn't involve fist fights or kazoo playing. It was the inaugural Brattle Theatre's Balcony Club mixer. No one from the Balcony Club actually showed up, but some board members and commitee members along with local artists and Andover kids with beards showed up. We ate a lot of food and my pomegranate mojitos were a hit once I added more club soda (thanks Sean). We got the word out about our upcoming gala for Janus Films' 50th anniversary (which I'm co-chairing) and a very special evening with David Lynch at the preview of his new flick coming out at the Brattle in December (take that Landmark and Lowes). In my eyes it was successful based on the terrible rain and the fact that there were more than 10 people there. Everyone had a great time, although no one really paid much attention to Dracula playing on our big blank wall.

Old Rivalries Never Die Hard

I should have originally posted this rather than trying to email the few girls I went to college with.

Once upon a time, about 4 years ago, there was a girl who I went to school with who made me very wary. Her attempts at attention getting and braggadocious gossip, although simple minded and B&T-related, drove me crazy. It progressively got worse towards the end of college where she had suddenly discovered life below 42nd St and dubbed herself an "east village celebutante" according to her myspace page. It wouldn't surprise me if she still went by that unsubstantiated title.

Last year while sifting through look books at Sarah's, I come across a mailing from this particular girl who was "worldwide public relations director" for some shitty brand. I warned Sarah about her and told her to never give her the glory of using any of that company's product during a shoot. The other day, Sarah sends along the email below to me. I could kill her for saying she was a friend of mine, but her response and tone forced me to create a new word: cuntitude - adv. a cunty attitude. I don't really know if it's an adverb or not but this girl is ridiculous. And trust me, she knew exactly who Sarah was talking about. P.S. She works for a pretty lame PR company too. I bet she handles the Arden B account, which would go well for her tacky north Jersey roots.

On Oct 27, 2006, at 2:20 PM, Sarah Shirley wrote:

some back and forth i had from your friend

Begin forwarded message:

On Oct 27, 2006, at 12:39 PM, Sarah Shirley wrote:

Sarah Shirley would love to attend the preview of the spring/summer foot wear collection at the chambers hotel on November 9, 2006.


sarah shirley

On Oct 27, 2006, at 1:29 PM, East Village Celebutant wrote:

Great - what time? Also what is your shoe size?

EVC | Lame PR Company

On Oct 27, 2006, at 2:08 PM, Sarah Shirley wrote:


hi aren't you liana's friend

can i keep the time open ? 3-5 ish

shoe size is 6// 6.5


On October 27, 2006 at 2:11 PM, East Village Celebutant wrote:

Liana who?

EVC | Lame PR Company

Wouldn't that piss you off?

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Daily Dose of Awwwww

I saw this pic on DListed today and had to repost it. I saw the whole series not too long ago and it could give you a cavity. Please enjoy while I run around doing laundry, rearranging the house and doing the 100 at pilates!

P.S. I found Sarah Shirley, she was down south shaking her moneymaker for corporate America!

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

It's Fall and I Live in New England

And it's really beautiful.

I don't want to spoil this moment, dear readers, with a rant. Think about leaves and pumpkins. Wear a scarf. Eat some pie.

Have You Seen This Woman?

Sarah Shirley is missing (...from my life)!!!! If anyone knows her whereabouts, let me know. Last I heard from her she was looking swanky via picture text from Paris.

Why does everyone get lost in Paris?

A Belated Congratulations are Due

*Yeah, I totally stole this pic off Shea's MySpace (and I don't know how to write in italics)*

My dear friend Shea recently proposed to his beautiful girlfriend Suzanne while in Italy only to come home to tell me they're also having a baby!!! Lil' Miss Gonyo is scheduled to arrive March 20, 2007 (my half bday!) and all the love and luck in the world to one of my most favorite people's new family. As for name suggestions, I'll be the first to offer Liana.

Also in big congratulations news, Miss Patricia Deegan got a promotion and is officially the hottest bitch on the block at Sovereign corporate. She talks tellers and sales people at the bank into getting more and more licenses. Whoodie Who! You go Pats!!!!!

Sunday, October 22, 2006

I Shall Proceed and Continue to Rock the Mic

I just had the busiest 3 weeks since I moved here. I thought things would slow down last week but they didn't. But I have no work booked for this week (or ever again) so I'm going to attempt to refocus my priorities on developing the content of this a bit better.

Nothing makes me happier then friends telling me that they read this (Shouts to Conor and Patty!). For all of you who keep up with this, prepare to be checking back multiple times throughout the day (I hope).

A List of Things My Cat Has Been Hiding in the Bathtub

Grissom's been pissed since Shaka moved out (and a whole building away). He's a fucking weirdo and started hoarding things in the guest bathtub. Here's what I've found in the past week:

1. leaves from plants
2. my hairties
3. Shaka's toothbrush
4. a dog bone
5. a packet of Sweet n Low
6. a lugnut
7. cat food
8. his feather on a stick toy
9. a dreidel

Is it post traumatic stress? Or is he just happy that he doesn't have to share his bathroom with a human?

In all fairness, Shaka was the one who found his toothbrush in there, but still...

What's Football Speak for "Red Sox Nation"

Is it Pats Country? Whatever it's called, I visited it today at the Stadium in Southie. Places like that shouldn't be taken soberly, which of course I did because I'm about to go to dinner with Mike's fam at Oishi (sushi two nights in a row folks, I'm sure you can guess how hungry I am).

I don't get football. My dad never watched it, Mike doesn't watch it, and I only went to homecoming games in high school. Football makes me think of my cousins and uncles after Thanksgiving dinner, some watching with intensity, others lightly drooling as they nod off in a tryptophan coma. Regardless, everyone around me watches it.

Bro made me watch college football at the beginning of the season, Shaka's world stops on Sunday's and Monday nights and Karen goes to the Stadium every Sunday. I'm a good sport about it. I've watched games with Shaka and Braun because it's better than watching Mike play video games, I'll listen to Daniel ramble about plays and I'll go to the Stadium with Karen (even if her guy friends refer to me as "Angry Girl" because I'm sober, watching something I could care less about). All because I love these people. But I will never ever get it or really even care.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Back to the Future

I've continued to have a reminiscent feelings about high school. It's not exactly deja vu (great, now that fucking Beyonce song is in my head), just a feeling of "wow, this is exactly where I wanted to be in 1997".

Last night, Mike and I hit up his friend Glenn's Exquisite Time party at Midway Cafe in JP. After catching the sound check for God Forbid, the most soulful white man since Robin Thicke, Glenn entertained the crowd with a performance by the Floor Lords. It's been a while since I've seen some decent breaking. A long while. It got me thinking...

From 13 to 16 I was all about getting in the circle on a dancefloor and showing off. Lots of uprocking and footwork, some lame rave moves (hey, it was the 90's) and a lot of balls. I immediately texted my dear old friend Abbey asking her whether or not we were hot shit when we took to the floor. I woke up this morning to a text from her "Si. Muy caliente!" which made my day.

There used to be a whole crew of us who took it so seriously and would practice at her house. I think we tried to start a contingent, the Tear-Up Squad, if I'm not mistaken. Everyone would doodle tags on their notebooks and send each other notes with ideas for choreography or who we were looking forward to battling come the weekend.

There was also this yellow down Polo vest that Abbey's sister Becky bought that was passed around amongst the girls in our circle. We once sent a girl we were trying to elbow out of our crowd on a wild goose chase from house to house because she wanted to borrow it. She pushed passed my sick grandmother for it but Nana didn't let her through. She was shortly dejected from our group after an incident involving her drinking from an open OJ container.

Creature Comforts

It's that time of year when it's getting chilly and I'm constantly feeling a cold coming on. Times like these I like to rely on the things that make me feel warm and safe that remind me of being a little kid. For me it's old surf movies like Endless Summer (although Wingnut and Pat from ESII are far hotter than the originals) and pastina. For about 4 years of my life, I ate pastina everynight for dinner. No one makes it better than my Nanny although my Mom is a close second. What I would do for a bowlful of warm, buttery tiny stars right now.

It's currently 48 degrees.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Story of My Life

Thanks Tine!

Friday, October 13, 2006

Succumbing to Blue States Lose

It's a right of passage in NYC to have your pic posted on a party website like Last Nights Party or Misshapes. It's one thing to be caught on them, another to be caught with your shirt off (no comment). They've become my guilty pleasure since I moved so I can check up on where my friends are going and what the "cool" kids are wearing (blech).

ANYWAY, Gawker does this hilarious mock of the week's lamest/most pretentious pics called "Blue States Lose". It used to be hilarious and usually they just made fun of the Misshapes kids and Mark the Cobrasnake's girlfriend. Now some new guy is writing it, he does something for the Best Week Ever blog, and it's kinda lost it's pizzaz. I still read it though. For the first time ever, someone who I can actually say I know fell victim.

Seeing that I can't get the damn link to work, here's what they had to say:

"9. Misshapes. September 30th, 2006 photo #014: These iPod ads are seriously getting old. We get it already, blasting Bloc Party on a portable music player can turn a mild-mannered retail employee into an "edgy" urban dipshit with a poor sense of fashion and a constant need to shake their moronic dreadlocks all over the place. "Think different", just like everyone else."

In Johnny's defense (not that he needs it) he is a stylist by day and musical artist by night. He's also supersweet, fun, has a beautiful family and let me sing on stage with his band on my birthday last year.

As for the author of the item, it's better to stick to VH1 and let someone who's actaully in the scene do the mudslinging.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Food Suggestions Needed

Anyone know any good h'our derve-y foods that would be good to serve at a cocktail party that are fall-ish? Not too Halloween kitschy or seriously Thanksgivingy. Something clever and in the middle like butternut squash soup or something with pumpkins. Holler at your girl.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Words of Advice From Girls I Don't Know

1. Don't talk shit about other companies/people

2. Don't tell people that you/your boyfriend own a loft somewhere

Words spoken by a true one-upper...rather than trying to top that, tell someone that it's bad to say those kind of things. That will blow their minds and put them in their place.

Word of advice from MK:

Actions speak louder then words.

Does that mean that me working for Interview when I was 19 tops anything that I'll ever do in Boston?

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Promises Promises

Now that I'm sorta caught up on things (more pics and stories from Chi-town to come), I promise I'm going to make the content of this thing more interesting by linking to the most interesting gossip I find. First I have to figure out how to do it. Maybe tomorrow, I promise...


Hugo has been sick. We thought he caught Mike's cold but he has kennel cough. He's on meds now so he'll be better. He hasn't coughed once since I got home for work.

I know a few of you were concerned. Thank you for thinking about Pups McGrupps.

For Shaka

Girl Talk

Michelle and I went to Chicago this past weekend to visit Caroline. We stayed at her charming apt on Wicker Park and enjoyed a weekend full of cats, cupcakes, shopping, laughter, dirty talk, massages, naps, allergy attacks, snacking supplies and merrymaking in general. We played Never Have I Ever in which I lost (or won depending on how you think about it) and went to the Lincoln Park Zoo on an urban safari. Did I mention we ate cupcakes? I spent all my money on the best cupcakes in Chicago and booze. It was a glorious weekend and hopefully one that will continue to repeat itself in places like Helsinki and Amsterdam next year.

Quick Shout Out

Word to DJ Elle for recognizing me at Sam's party. I met her when I moved to NY in 2000, have been to her parent's house in LI and asked her to DJ for Michelle's 21st bash (who is now her roommate). Every time I see her, someone introduces me to her, usually Michelle.

Not this time though. She pointed at me and said hello. We talked. I dedicate this post to her because I listened to her "We Run NY" mix tape on my way back to Boston and she killed it.

Big ups on the boots too, girl!

The Cool Freshman

While in Maine, most of Mike's friends got a cottage together ("The Starfish") on the hotel property (we were in the hotel). This was where all the cool kids were hanging out. It was a smorgasborg of Andover and Wessleyan kids, most of which I knew. It really was like high school again and I was the cool freshman.

When I was actually a freshman in HS, I always wanted to be part of the older, cooler crowd. Ten years later and I'm the cool freshman dating the funny senior, hanging out with his friend's at someone's beach house. I felt so proud of myself that I did it even though it took a decade. People knew me, people wanted to know me and those who didn't thought I was cool. Isn't that what every girl wants in high school?

State and Maine

A big (belated) congratulations to Hannah and Jason Harlow for a glorious wedding weekend in Southport, Maine. They set the bar high for not just Andover related weddings but weddings in general. I've never seen a more calm and cool bride and groom and on top of that, both families were just as laid back. There was a bonfire and bluegrass music and lawn games and lobster excursions and beautiful weather and mac n cheese and candlepin bowling. The ceremony itself was 7 minutes long, had one reference to God ("...normally this is wear people talk about God") and a beautiful view.

Although I'm not particularly close with either of them, there couldn't be a more perfect weekend that completely reflected these great people. Thanks to both of them for having us for such a special occasion.

Homegirls Reunited

**Eventually there will be a picture here**

Shortly after our encounter with the possible swingers, we swung by Sweet N Vicious to say goodbye to our old friend Samantha. Sam and I were really tight back in the day and she used to work with Mike at Adidas. We all used to spend a lot of time together but you know how life is. So Ms Sammy has moved to Los Angeles to try living life on the left coast and the best of luck to her at that.

In celebration of Sam's farewell, a ton of people came out, including the full contingent of the posse of girls (all 4 of us) who used to get into the Fish with bad fake IDs and would steal packs of cigarettes out of people's coat pockets. We were young, brunette and all very light skinned. They were glorious days of debauchery and it's been years since we've all been in the same room at the same time.

All my love to my homegirls - Jen, Sam and Michelle.

New Dating Habits

The last night I was in NY recently, I had a wonderful evening that began with trekking from Columbia U to Spring St to meet Mike for dinner at La Esquina (I love when he can read my mind when I'm hungry). Mike and I tend to sit next to people on their first date. We like to conjure up uncomfortable conversations that are about STDs or pretend to get into a fight to make them uncomfortable. This time, we sat next to a new sort of phenomenon.

The blind double date. I'm sure they just happened to be chatty folks, but two couples who never met became pals thanks to the cramped quarters. They were taking pics with their Treos and all sorts of gay stuff. I'm sure the better looking couple was into getting high and swinging. They were the worst kind of New Yorkers (who probably live in Murray Hill and come downtown to be "edgy") and had the affect, which is a pretentious dialect that involves drawing out words in a slightly Valley Girl way (i.e. "Doooo you reeeeaaaaallllly think thaaats a Marc baaaaaag?"). They exchanged numbers and were gonna meet up at some loft party in Chelsea. I think Mike almost dry heaved his taco soup.

Has anyone else seen a blind double date? I can't wait until this turns into a story in the Thursday Style section. Remember kids, you heard it here first.

Return From Hiatus

If anyone is reading, I'm back to earth. Besides Boston, I've been in NY, New Hampshire, Maine and Chicago for the past two weeks in between tying shoelaces and fluffing fake Christmas trees for work. I'm tired but I know I have some tidbits to share. Hopefully some pics will pop up soon thanks to my trusty photographer Michelle (she takes great monkey pics, you'll see).

Sunday, October 01, 2006


Having returned from Maine earlier today, I've had a string of evenings that resulted in me being strunk the next morning since I was in NY.

ST(ill d)RUNK

I love making up words as much as I love cross-breeding dogs in my mind, you know, like Potties (pitbulls and scotties) or Dotties (dauchsunds and scotties).


I saw the cutest gayby on the 1 train the other evening. She had these huge brown eyes that knew all the secrets to the world and the key to people's soul. And amazing curly hair.

By gayby, I mean she has two dadies. This can also be applied to kids with two mommies.